I was sweeping my room in the afternoon and the song kept playing in a loop, lonely nights, by scorpions… “since you are gone…there is an empty space…” so true and so apt, I thought.…A huge void, that’s all that was left…and I kept sweeping it…out of my room, a bundle of hair and cobwebs…

I sold my computer table today for 200 bucks to our librarian and I was sweeping the empty space it had left and all the dust, the cobwebs and tiny pieces of plastic that was once a pen, now left exposed after almost three long years of hiding…here is for the table, “to the table”:

 “Since you are gone, there is an empty space…(a lot of it, ‘cause you were one helloa huge table!)since you are gone world is not the same (I get to keep my sandals neatly in a row)I go back to the places we have been feels like u are still there… (Well…not yet there!)I live those moments again wishing you were here… (huh! No way, I am loving every bit of the new found space in my room)

Since u are gone nothing is like it was, the memories are all over the place (all the water, coffee, vodka that I have spilled on you, how we carried you when I shifted to my current room three years ago and how me n friends almost broke our backs, Oh, believe me you are really heavy!)

 bringing it back all so clear, remember all of those days, wishing you were here.. all those lonely nights..  (Now I have nobody to cry to when I wake up from a bad nightmare, yea, almost: P) 

The song kept playing and I decided that was enough I added another song to the play list….and it started playing…:

“… love me when I’m gone
Everything I am And everything in me
Wants to be the one You wanted me to be
I’ll never let you down Even if I could
I’d give up everything If only for your good
So hold me when I’m here…”

Now I was debating whether I should be warning the librarian that the table might be haunted… (a seller’s obligation, law of contracts and sale of goods..)


And this is plain creepy, I am actually missing the table!…its seen me through all the shit… stood by me through thick and thin…! [:((]Freak, before I lose it totally…I am off…!


picture-014.jpg  for the sake of all the fun, komalitharam, love and the cold wars…cheers to the best brother on earth and cutest, most obedient sister ever;) hurrah! we rock.

picture-001.jpg older by one more year… miss sivande ambalam, pushpanjali, payasam, new dress bought with amma and achan,miss school, miss the morning prayer and baking in the sun, standing in front of the whole class and grinning when 50 odd people are singing happy birthday to you…!,distributing sweets on my special day…miss those as i move further away, away from innocence and peace…


 It was 5:30 in the morning. I quickly wore my jeans, T shirt, scarf, gloves, jacket, socks, shoes, and was waiting to go vroom! I got the call from Boy finally and I picked up my bag and ran out. The bird was already there. I climbed on to it and we were on our way. It was 6:30 am. We were joined by H on his unicorn. He also got me a helmet. It was the first time I was wearing one! We resumed our journey. Boy rode slowly and H rode fast and then H would slow down for a bit and wait for us to catch up and then he would fall back for sometime before zooming past us again. H was a man of very few words but there was something attractive about him. I missed him when he was out of sight and he made me smile when he reappeared again every time. We had a happy breakfast and were back on track again stopping only to stretch ourselves once or twice. The ride was lovely. The roads were the best. all very pretty.  

We reached Mysore at 11:30 and then we went to the college were Boy and his friends used to study. We rode around the place for sometime and we were joined by two more friends on a Bird again. Boy introduced me to them and we shook hands, one sheik and one cute taklu. I rode behind H and Boy stayed right behind us. I would flash a smile or two at him and he would grin till his ears. The Unicorn kept grazing against the humps for some strange reason and soon the guys were teasing me saying I was overloading the bike. Only H kept defending me. Boy kept showing me the places from the stories he had told me, the tall tower they climbed one night on a high, the boys hostel, H’s room, the class room, the spot were baldi used to ‘talk to two girls’, the lab and we also saw the security guard with whom boy had some trouble once.

Once we were done with these rounds we were out of there and we went to a nearby fast food joint and had lots of tea. We were joined by more friends and they were all doing a lot of catching up, I was a little lost yet enjoying it. We went to a restaurant and drank some beer and vodka. Then we drove in a jeep to the top of the Hills. Sheik drove like a crazy man through the winding road and we all swayed from left to right in the backseat. The view from the top of the hills was amazing and the wind was almost rejuvenating. We spent sometime on the top and then drove back. And then we were back to the Birds and the Unicorn and we were heading back. The guys were cursing me for coming with a deadline and said T.H.A.N.K.S with oozing sarcasm. Boy rode back fast. We stopped for some coffee and the guys hogged like pigs. We hadn’t eaten lunch. Boy went to the loo and i half suspected he fell asleep inside and wanted H to find out if everything was fine. I just remembered, we forgot to order the Blueberry muffin which i and H were supposed to share. Finally Boy was back and we were on the go again. After a point boy and I totally lost the others. They were nowhere near. Soon we were back in b’lore and I was standing in front of my house. I could see the relief on Boy’s face, of taking me home safe. What could I say, until next time, thanks for all the breeze, I loved it from the word go…

Apart from the brain drain another inevitable consequence of more and more people going to the US is that we people end up spending a lot of our precious time giving them ‘updates’ generally on everything under the sun, moon and the stars and more often than not the focus is on love life, relationship status, break-ups and adventure sports like skiing and cookin ..(unless its two software engg talking, in which case.., aye, never mind!) and of course once in a while we do discuss career plans, family, new hair cut, long drives, weather, treks, movies, new camera, new car, room mates, weekend fun…from what i have observed these guys invariably turn into amazing cooks…fancy a techie from US who cooks brilliantly? quite an intresting package…

This is from the conversation I had last night with a friend who is currently in the US (and doesn’t seem to have any plans of coming back until he gets thrown out of the country):

 V: ediiiiiiiiiii

me: hello  enthokke ind (whats up?)

V: enthonnu undavan…(what could be happening…)  nee para…(you say)  whoz this new guy 😉

me: ethu? (which?)

me: enthayi kalyanaalochana (whats happening with your marriage proposals?)  and what’s with pork? (his status message said, “pork, here I come”) 

V: ha…  langane…(oh, like that)  pork..  njan tsr style pork fry ulathithu undakkitha…(I made thrissur style “pork fry ulathiyathu”)

me: oh..  kollalo (that’s great)  cooking okke serikkum padicho (you learnt cooking?)

V: pinne illathe… njan oru xpert cookey aayi…(I am an expert cook now)stiram thozhil aakiyallo enn vicharikka (thinking of a career in it)  btw… wat abt the dude.. tell me abt him 

me: which dude? 

V: njan arinju malake… (I got to know everything)  ennodonnum olikkanda 🙂 (no need to hide from me) 

me: 😛  who told u/and wht?

V: athokke arinju (never mind, I got to know!)  nee karyam apra (u tell me the details)

me: illa u tel me (no, u tell me who said what)  who said wht  ende chechi aavum allate aara (must be my dear sister, who else could it be!)  BBC

V: enthegilum aavate (whatever!)  nee parayhu (you say!) 

me: onnum illa.. 🙂 (nothing)enthanippo ariyande? (what do u want to know?)i guess whoever told u must hav given u sm details also..angane onnum aayitilla..(nothing much),

V: aaranu pulli (who is this dude?)… wats he doing… 

me: oho..so who told u/  para (say)  chechi aanengi details paranjitundavumallo (if its my sister she would have given you the details too!) he is a rock star..plays in a rock band called B’ teasers..he sings too.. and he is also doin his MBA frm IIMb… n he has an audi!

poyo? (gone?)

 V: eh. njan onnu bodham kettatha (no, I just fainted)me: ??                                                                                                                                      


V: nope  ivide undu… (i am here)  still shocked 

me: 😛  i made tht up!  :))  hahaha  

V: ok..appo pinen actual evide 🙂 (then tell me about the real one!) 

me: real one is much sweeter…:) hehe  though no audi.. and no iimb and not a rockstar either.. hehe..still sweet… ha! now u know why people say love is blind…haha 

Then followed a whole lot of questions and the first one was ‘is he a malayalee kolayalee?”, just like one would ask “aano penno” when a child is born, indisputably, always the first question and when I said no, not a malayalee, it was not appreciated. V took offence and protested on behalf of all the malayalee chekkanmar (V pratikarichu, athi shakthamayi :P) … then i assured him it’s not ‘cos mallu boys are any less smarter, it’s just that they are either curiously elusive or they are software enngineers…:O (i  duck to escape the thousand zillion things shoved at me!)


so, discussing my relationship status with one of them in the US has become a routine, quite fruitless though. One of them promised me to find me some rich, handsome phirang for a boy friend or may be an Indian Menon settled in the US for a husband, but they dont seem to keep their promises these days. But still it’s nice to get the views of people who have seen more countries than I have…  

[Before jumping into conclusions, the Facts in the conversation are hearsay and are strictly subject to confirmation except the fact that my sister can indeed give BBC a run for their money]

 And here is an interesting conversation on one of the hottest topics: 

N: than veg aaano? (are u a vegetarian?)  chicken doubt undayirunnu 😀 (I had a ‘chicken doubt’)

me: haha  no i am not veg 

N: i put all masala and all and put it for marinating.  its already around 12:30 NOW  night  so dont have time.  so am putting it in fridge 

me: oh ok..!

N: do i need to put in freezer or down? 

me: hmm… freezer  wht is down?  oh like tht.. 

N: i am ~freezer :D\  not freezer  the problem is that there are some 10-15 pieces….

me: hmm.. no dont put it in the freezer

N: and i dont want to eat of all of them…in one go

me: u are freezer? wht?! 

N: so can i take one by one and bake and eat daily 🙂 

me: ok… best njan oru satyam parayatte!.. athe enikku ithonnum ariyilla..i was chumma tryin to say smthin..! 😀 (ok, let me tell you the truth, I have no clue about all these things. I was simply saying something) 

N: 😀  okies. 

me: yea bt i gues u cud do tht…  😀

 N: 🙂ya guess njanum cheyunnund (yea, even I can make guesses) 

me: its al a matter of guess  :)) 

Next day when I talked to him:

 N: Chicken came out alright 🙂 kept in the freezer, i had to use a hammer to seperate the pieces later though 

And when I look back at all those zillion conversations I have had with friends abroad I can confidently conclude that cooking is indeed the hottest topic on inter-continental chat, it figures in every conversation. 

What could I be possibly doing at 9 am on a Sunday morning… yea; I wish I was in bed tucked up and at peace doing justice to the title of Miss. sleeppopotamus! I had got up at 7 in the morning and at 8 o clock, I was already in a rickety bus to the city with 5 huge cans of milk around me and 4 baskets of vegetables on them, a goat right next to me and an old woman with 5 piercing in each of her ears and one ring each in either nostrils staring at me for almost half an hour until she lost interest, after all I had only one nose ring and 4 holes on my 2 earlobes taken together, nothing to beat the babe!!

I got to the IMS centre at sharp 9 o clock though there is absolutely nothing exciting about them. I was waiting for the class to begin when the faculty walked in and I must say that though I was not impressed I was hoping he doesn’t let me down ‘cos he looked cute. The dude goes, ‘have you done your voccabs?’ (No response from the class) ‘What is the meaning of obstreperous’ (I was anxious that MS Word might not recognize the word…but yippee apparently its done its ‘voccabs’! :P) (No response again) ‘what is the meaning of ubiquitous?’ (that’s enough dude! You look disgusting when you twist your tongue like that!!)

That’s when we realized his fly was half open, not an accident, just that his pants were a bit too tight around the waist.  And the moment he realized it he dint try to hide it but he seemed to flaunt it and started trying hard to pull it up by doing few ‘up and downs’ and then when he failed he was holding it there for sometime and then forgot all about it. Well, very impressive I must say! Then somewhere we picked up an argument on one of the passages in the reading comprehension section. I couldn’t agree with the answer and the explanation he was giving. So dude went on explaining in a loop and then asked me again if I agreed, with a perfectly straight face I told him I still didn’t , and leaving his fly open doesn’t work here. Then he goes, ‘its ok, u tell me why don’t you agree, I love arguing with cute girls” <winks>. Well… THAT almost worked! I just flashed him a smile and then we moved on to the next question: P

At the end of the class, one of the guys in class stops beside me and says, “ I think I have met u before”… well.. I didn’t think so; I definitely couldn’t have forgotten a peacock with a golden tooth. Then he goes, “aren’t you in infosys?” I said “no”. Mr. Peacock says “oh ok… what is your name? <Stupid smile, flashing the golden tooth>”…well, I say, “never mind”…! And I heard somebody saying from behind, “that doesn’t work dude, she is smart” 😉 and well I did end up going for a coffee with the latter guy…!! Haha …! Well, don’t mistake me, I knew the latter guy from before, not ‘cos that random comment worked.

i bet the catechism classes which my Christian freinds always cribbed about would have been much more exciting. For me, No remoter, ulterior motives or excitements for waking up at 7 on a Sunday and sitting through the boring classes for 4 hours! I am just a very dedicated student… deprived of sleep, lazy Sundays, breakfast, sleep… all I am left with is the constant determination to work hard…someday, hopefully soon!

noname.jpgThe city where everyone has his/her place, whether it be on the pavement or on the 20th floor of a posh apartment complex, and is almost inevitable, like parts of a machine. Where everybody is up to something, be it the beggar on the pavement, the executive hurrying to catch his train, the millionaire at the backseat of the Mercedes, the street vendor, the hooker on the street, the small fly on the ripe jackfruit on the pavement, the small rat that suddenly appears next to you on the railway platform, all equally and integrally part of the city of dreams… and all their dreams, equally part of the inimitable Mumbai meri jaan, equally part of the gross asymmetry, equally part of the sin called the rich and the poor. Part of the ultimate co-existence.

When you travel on the local train in Mumbai you feel the pulse of the city. You become a part of it, in someway, and u feel it. You feel life like you never felt it before, u see life like you have never seen it before. The vigorousness can only be felt and not put into words, I have to confess. You see the same set of people, almost always seated at the same seats, talking to, nodding and grinning at the same group of people until a new face joins and becomes welcomed heartily into the group, the group of cheerful guys singing in the next compartment (sometimes you know which song they are going to sing next), the pretty girl who gets in from kurla, the girl who cant keep her mouth shut, the girl who gets in from wadala and wears nice salwars, the guy who is always looking at you and trying to steal a quick glance from you… and once you get down and start walking down the platform, you see the same faces everyday at the very same spots, the crippled boy in school uniform with his school bag, moving slowly along the platform being led by his dad (you suppose) holding his hand…the tall girl with short hair always talking on her mobile…. And so on… Your life revolves around these routine encounters and the same old strangers, yet so much part of your life.

Once you reach office it’s a totally different world, it’s a to z about hard work and, money almost never comes easily – work your ass off from morning till evening and then finally just let your hair down when you are with your best buddies partying hard through the night, gulping shot after shot down the throat..!and of course you could never forget those nights at Leopold, the tipsy nights at Geoffrey’s and the ever so lovely walk along the marine drive…

Mumbai would never be the same without those heavy down pours, the only thing apart from bomb blasts that can bring life to a stand still here. You can never forget those nights when you get stranded in the station with no trains running, listening to the repeated announcements about ‘train radh kiya gaya hai…’ and apologies for the inconvenience and waiting to hear that rumbling from somewhere almost as if it were sweet melody…! But never even once would you start fearing because you are NEVER alone in your misery. There are always hundreds around you on even the least busy stations and people are ever so willing to help…more than in any place else, quite amazing when you think it’s one of the busiest cities on the map. Another incredible thing about the people is that they never say die! Their spirits never drop, not even at the drop of a bomb! The unfortunate train bombings couple of years back demonstrated the unbelievable courage of the people of Mumbai which you can see and feel just as you can feel the ground under your feet.


And yes, inspite of all those tiring long train journeys, the humid weather, the heat, the crowd, the black puddles and the slush, and indefinite wait at the stations, catching the wrong train and going in the wrong direction at 10 o clock in the night, the stuffy cabs, the stinking roads… I miss Bombay!!!



For the benefit of those who have not listened to aakashavani and are wondering what the title to the post means, I would be glad to explain the significance and the context of the same. It is from this amusing ad for a Malayalam ‘painkili’ (nothing to do with killing pain, its in fact quite painful, ‘painkili’ is slang for ‘cheesy’) magazine named ‘Kumari’. It used to come on Akashavani ages ago, when I was a kid and when I used to go to school…and when I was less evil…<sigh> …

Well, the ad begins with this line which means, ‘u are reading kumari in the office’?…:O I don’t remember the rest of the ad… anyways, the point is I am blogging from office and I am as jobless as the dogs in NALSAR. (real dog, on four legs, though they are seen on them very rarely when they take a break from sleeping or simply lying around) unfortunately I cannot sleep and I have to sit around waiting for a phone call from some faceless person with a name in some ‘wing’ asking for anybody who is ‘free’ and then few exchange of mails and work is done and a jobless dog shall always remain jobless though the faceless voice might not remain faceless, as the Saying goes… (if its going to coffee day, I would like a cafe frappe 😛 and I would like it even otherwise)

And with some ‘least’ irritating, ‘least’ manipulative bitches [gender not intended to be taken seriously (since I have used ‘dogs’ in a totally different context in the same post I couldn’t possibly use it here) but if it fits, it’s only a coincidence] office couldn’t get better…

7890908n (I have this gut feeling that I was destined to be a great mathematician, I (my head) type only numbers in its sleep…)

i dont have anything particular on my mind to write about…i just wanted to scribble something here!!! what the heck its my blog.. i can even write afrngfgjiejgerigninm…. or, the longest word in english, glastromeronthopomorphosis.

As soon as I got back from class I turned on my comp and was sitting in front of it and browsing aimlessly. I was holding Alex tight in my arms. Alex is my new room mate. Its Ikru’s best friend just like Esthu is to Kittappayi. Alex has nice golden hair. It’s is so cuddlable and soft but it has a slightly evil look on his face which scares me sometimes when I look down at him. It is because of some excess fur on his face which covers his eye balls in such a way so as to make it look like two slits. Unlike other teddy bears, including its best friend Ikru, its legs and hands are not stiff and at vertical angles with its body. Alex’s legs kind of dangle from his body which is one thing that makes him so huggable. Alex by the way has a burnt bum. He got burnt by an iron when he was a baby. So the hair is slightly coarse around those parts.
Now, I don’t own alex. Its anju’s. I took him away and got him to my room one day so that he could meet Ikru and he stayed over. Now I can’t let go of him. Anju tried to take him back couple of times, though in vain. Later she quite forgot about it.
So today when I was dozing off in my chair with him somebody knocks on my door. I open the door, still holding him but trying to hide him behind the door, so that I don’t look like one retard and scare away whoever it was at the door. It turned out to be anju. Now I have more reasons to hide him. But my stupid smile gave me away. She saw him and… Ouch!
She said it was atrocious and was almost like seeing your best friend making out with your ex boy friend 😀
But ofcourse the good girls that we are there was no cat-fight. In fact both of us were just too amused and could not stop laughing.

And end of the day, I get to keep him…!!!